“I was so impressed with your company’s fast service and reasonable pricing that I will be recommending your services to friends. Usually the relationship I have with my PC is a “love/hate” relationship what with all the problems I’Ave been experiencing. Now that your company has fixed my PC our relationship is nothing but love!"
"Thanks! You're worth your weight in gold!"
Richard M. Enger
South San Francisco, California
"In the Spring of 2008, I got a phone call late at night from a friend, Debbie. She wanted to know if I knew a solution about a particular problem. I did not have an answer, but I knew Lucy, might be able to help her. I gave Debbie Lucy's phone number; and, I exchanged Lucy Debbie's number, too. They were able to take it from there, as I knew Debbie was in good hands. The next day, I got a call from Debbie, telling me that Lucy was able to help her. Also, I was told that Lucy made a favorable impression on Debbie."
Kenneth S. Stout
San Jose, California
"In the Spring of 2008, I called a friend of mine to ask him if he knew someone who could help me with my computer related problems. He immediately recommended Lucy for the task and he gave me her phone number, and he also gave Lucy my number. I called her right away and after explaining to her what the problem was, she was able to help me fix the problem right over the phone. I was very impressed by this and also her computer knowledge. I don't know too many people who have the ability of troubleshooting and solving a problem without having to physically look at your computer. I would recommend Lucy to anyone who needs help with their computer or computer issues."
"Thank you so much. You're a life saver!"
"Thank you again for the Elisabeth Kubler-Ross "Fear Of Dying" CD's. They play beautifully. It was a pleasure meeting you."
(The two CD's were produced from old-fashioned audio cassette tapes - L.A.J.)
"All my best!"
John R. Palmer
SOME FAVORITE CATCH PHRASES, CLICHE'S, JOKES, and TRIVIA
"Old Faithful" is a penis, the family jewels! - Bill Maher
Life is an accident?
Do tell, war is hell!
To the victor, go the spoils!
Strong and bold, do as you are told!
Press the flesh [a handshake]
There is always free cheese in a mouse trap!
"Be aware of the military industrial complex!" - General Dwight D. Eisenhower
Everybody has to make up for lost time!
You can't arrive without a destination!" - Michael L. Jones
How can you tell if a politician is lying? See if the lips are moving!
"Time waits for no one" - Michael L. Jones
"Buy the ticket, take the ride" - Kenneth S. Stout
"We are all different. And that's a good thing!" - Caitlyn Jenner
"Be here or be nowhere" - Kenneth S. Stout
"People who hate you for speaking the truth hate you because they are living a lie!"
Kenneth S. Stout
5150 is the police code for a mental health emergency, i.e. a suicide pending.
"It's between the binding of the stocking and the skin" - Donna Nadine
"I want to be the girl with the most cake" - Donna Nadine
"If you treat a girl like a dog, she is going to bite you!" - Donna Nadine
"When you live the dream you get to do whatever you want on your own terms" - Donna Nadine
"Being offended doesn't make you right!" - Kenneth S. Stout
It's better to be slapped with the truth than to be kissed with a lie?
"What gets us into trouble is NOT what we don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so?" - Mark Twain
We the willing led by the unknowing are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much for so long with so little, that we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
"True nobility is being superior to your former self. Being superior to others is NOT nobility. There is nothing noble in being superior to your former self" - Ernest Hemingway
Science Fact - The rotation of the earth is gradually slowing down a few
milliseconds each year! This is causing a few high-end computers that
depend on the accuracy of atomic clock to crash!
Is the enemy of my enemy my friend?
Hotsy, Totsy, Newborn Nazi! The Confederate Flag coming down in South Carolina is similar to the Nazi's Swastika, also as museum piece or artifact!
"You can't send a man to prison for CIRCUMCISION evidence" - Jay Leno
Artificial Intelligence uses Information Technology, and vice versa.
AR-15 & AK-47 assault rifles are ILLEGAL in California and some other states. However, there is a BIG loophole to buy these weapons at a gun show or online.
Radar - (RA)dio (D)etecting (A)nd (R)anging
Faux Pas (French) - A Blunder
If the drone airplane is white, that means it's the CIA flying in the
Comics say funny things. Comedic actors say things funny!
"WOULDA, COULDA, SHOULDA?" - Jay Leno
If you have a dog, then you don't have to bark!
"Imagination is more important than knowledge" - Albert Einstein
Here is a well-known word puzzle - "Brothers and sisters I have none;
but, that man's father is my father's son. Who am I?" Please e-mail
me for answer if you wish!
Let's have some ACTION, instead of just words in politics!
Action "speaks" louder than the words!
Whistling by the graveside....are you trying to wakeup the dead?
I didn't ask to be born (But I'm glad I was!) - Bill Cosby
The Serenity Prayer - God grant me the serenity to accept the things
I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to
know the difference.
President Barack Obama - FOUR MORE YEARS!
"When the power of love overtakes the love of power, then we will have
peace" - Jimi Hendrix
It's wonderful what doctor's know. It's what they don't know that kills
you! - Charlie Chan "The Jade Mask"
ExtraSensory Perception - ESP
"Osama bin Laden is dead, and General Motors is alive" - VP Joe Biden
Keep your friends close and your enemy's closer!
Stereo and Politics are actually three channels: Left, Center, and Right.
We should outlaw alcohol and tobacco soon! I give up! Now, we are legalizing
Obama 1, Osama 0
SUPERLATIVES: Amazing, Awesome, Beautiful, Best, Cool, Excellent,
Extraordinary, Fabulous, Fantastic, Ferocious, Funniest, Gigantic, Great, Glorious,
Heroic, Hot, Huge, Incredible, Marvelous, Phenomenal, Pretty Cool, Talented,
Tremendous, Splendid, Super, Supreme, Unbelievable, Winning, Wonderful, WOW!
We don't need to sleep right now -- there's enough time to sleep in the grave!
Excuses are like assholes, everybody has one!
Success requires no explanations, failure permits no alibis!
Is the U. S. government going from the frying pan into the fire?
Your wish is my command!
"This is your time to SHINE!" - Michael Jackson (RIP)
What we have here is a failure to communicate - Cool Hand Luke with Paul Newman
Robbing Peter to pay for Paul!
Beyond a reasonable doubt!
What are we having for dinner? We're having a bowl of soup and a bar of
Are we on the verge of economic doomsday?
Let us eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die! - The Holy Bible
(Corinthians 1 15:29)
You don't get it, do you?
You don't seem to understand (what I'm trying to say)!
Birds of a feather flock together!
We got to be able to get right back to where we started from!
Studies take time, and time is running out!
Take one day at a time!
Thrilled to death!
Don't be afraid of the fear of the unknown!
If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all! - "Bambi" Walt Disney
It's better to be safe than sorry!
If it's not broken, then don't fix it! If you got a good thing going, don't mess with it!
No News Is Usually Good News!
Changing takes time, and it takes time to change!
The Dead Don't Talk!
Is the Fox guarding the Hen House?
We agree to disagree!
If you're bi-sexual (switch-hitter) it doubles your chance of a date on Saturday Night!
Slang for bi-sexual is "Switch Hitter!"
It takes two to tango!
CATCH-22: Damned if you do, damned if you don't! You can't win -- you're doomed!
The Worst Thing about Getting Old is Getting Old!
The public has a short memory!
Keeping Them Honest - Anderson Cooper of CNN
Soon, the United States American Flag will be made in China!
I have Bad News -- U.S. flags are already being made in China!
A Fair Weather Friend Maybe Pakistan!
Plan for the worst and hope for the best!
Money makes people talk, not torture!
Stock brokers are "bank robbers!"
A full service bank -- we welcome bank robbers!
If it's not broken, then don't fix it!
It's wise not to put all your eggs into one basket!
A day late and a dollar short!
Most computers usually run slow, and nobody backs up the system hard disc drive.
It begs the question - What were we before we were born? I really do not remember. Many people are afraid of dying! So, is death like before being born? Nothing?
Mr. Donald J. Trump should fire his hair dresser next! Recently, he said does his hair himself, as he lets his hair air dry without a blow dryer and it takes an hour. I noticed he uses lots of hair spray, because the wind hardly does mess up the hairdo.
I'll Be Back! - Will Maria Schriver divorce Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Lying is Freedom Of Speech and Freedom Of Religion!
I heard about this elderly minister. He was dying. He sent for two of his members, an IRS agent and a lawyer, to come to his house. When they got there, he motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The two men were very moved to be with him during his final moments. At one point, the lawyer said, "Sir, why did you choose both of us?" The minister mustards up some strength and said, "Jesus died between two sinners and that's how I want to go!" - Joel Osteen
Born to be wild!
The right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing!
Wisdom grows with age!
Should I put the bread in the refrigerator or the bread box?
The hardest thing about computers is programming them; and, the hardest thing about writing computer programs is debugging them!
Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead!
Is there oil in the Gulf? Are you kidding? You must be drunk!
QVC means Quality, Value, Convenience.
Don't worry about the water over the dam or water under the bridge.
I am learning, doing, and teaching, and learning, doing, and teaching, etc.
It's neither here nor there!
I'm a dead person walking, waiting for the ax to fall!
Now, I don't care if I win or lose, I just don't want to die!
KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid)!
Drill, Baby, Drill -- Spill Baby Spill!
"I've had so much plastic surgery, when I go to heaven,
I'm afraid God won't recognize me!" - Joan Rivers (RIP)
The husband of a couple I know passed away recently. In his will, he had saved $50,000 to be buried with him in his casket. At the funeral, his wife placed a small wooden box into his casket. I asked the widow what she placed into his casket. And, she said, "It is a wooden box with $50,000" Again, I asked her, "Is it really $50,000?" And, she said, honestly, "It is a wooden box with a $50,000 check!" - Joel Osteen
OPEN MOUTH: Insert foot!
Penny Wise and Pound Foolish -- People who gamble all their money away but go to Burger King instead of The House of Prime Rib! Moreover, if I can quit drinking and smoking, you can quit gambling!
I have a drinking problem, but the bottle is empty.- Joan Rivers (RIP)
The economy is going to hell in a hand basket!
Can you afford it? Then, show me the money! - Suze Orman
Tit for tat! -- Cute as a button
Thrilled To Death!
Don't Be Afraid Of The Fear Of The Unknown!.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell -- It Goes Without Saying -- So What, Who Cares!
MURPHY'S GOLDEN RULE: Whoever has the gold makes the rules!
ALSO: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong!
In order to get a loan, you must prove you don't need it!
Go Ahead, Make My Day - Clint Eastwood
Late, Later, Too Late!
Good, Better, Best!
Big, Bigger, Biggest!
Great, Greater, Greatest!
If someone gives you the run-around, and you think it's gloom and doom, it's business as usual!
Strength In Numbers!
Girls use more toilet paper than boys!
We are threading in very dangerous waters!
A Parable - Once upon a time, there was a very happy frog who has lots of flies and other insects to eat. On a beautiful day the frog met a scorpion who had a problem on the bank of a lake. The scorpion needed to cross the lake to the other bank in order to visit a dying relative. The scorpion asked the happy frog if the frog could give the scorpion a ride on the frog's back and cross the lake. The frog told the scorpion that the scorpion could cross the lake one mile away. But the scorpion said that he needed to cross right now before the scorpion's friend would die. Finally, the frog agreed to give the scorpion a ride cross of the lake. Half of the way across the lake, the scorpion stung the frog. The frog screamed, "Why did you sting me because we are both going to die!" The scorpion replied "But it's my nature to kill!"
This or That?
The Living End! Or, The Dead End?
No more kids, Steve -- I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired - from "The Reporter"
"Can I borrow the car? Yes, if you clean your room, get your grades up, and cut your hair." The son cleaned his room and got his grades up, but didn't cut his hair, quoting the Bible saying "Moses, Samson, and Jesus had long hair." His Dad said, "They walked everywhere they went!" -- Joel Osteen
A day late and a dollar short!
LASER -- L(ight) A(mplification) S(timulation) E(mission) R(adiation)
Slim Pickens, Easy Pickings?
Bless Ma, bless Pete. It's getting late, let's eat!
Usually, the enemy of my enemy is my friend?
Would da, Should da, Could da? -- Jay Leno 's Tonight Show
(1) FART "Feeling A Rectal Transmission" A bodily function that cannot be denied!
(2) FAITH "Fantastic Adventures In Trusting Him" Replace fear with faith and no weapon used against you will prosper!
(3) FUN "Finally Understanding Nothing" When your mind is clear with nothing to understand, then everything you see and hear will be in fun!
(4) TRUTH "Taking Real Understanding To Heart" The truth requires no questions?
The Wide World Of Sports (ABC) - "The Thrill Of Victory & The Agony Of Defeat!"
"When I talk to God, he's always out-of-town when I call!" - Don Rickles on The David Letterman (CBS)
"Man who uses force instead of reason will not make a good leader" - Jay Silverheels
(Tonto in The Lone Ranger)
"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die!" - The Holy Bible
A light year, traveling at about 186,282.5 miles per second in a vacuum, is 5.878629 trillion miles per light year! One mile is 5,280 feet and 1,609.3 meters.
It takes 8 minutes and 17 seconds for light from the sun to travel to earth! That is a journey of about 92,768,683.8 miles long!
Man's worst enemy is man!
"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back" - Maya Angelou (R.I.P. 1928-2014) She also said, "Just because I am wheel-chair bound doesn't mean I don't get around."
The average laptop computer, running at about 3 Ghz, will "NEVER" replace a "SUPER COMPUTER" with a zillion servers which runs at the speed of 3,000,000 laptops that is about 10 million GHz! On the ABC TV show "Jeopardy" the super computer Watson defeated all of the best human contestants! Also, "Big Blue" defeated the best chess grand masters!
At its highest point, the Grand Canyon is about 6,000 feet high, carved by the Colorado River in the state of Arizona! I have seen a wonderful and spectacular 3D picture of the Grand Canyon! Wow, I became "acrophobic" just looking at the picture, using 3D glasses, of course!
Lydia Carter, who was the female star in the NBC TV series "Wonder Woman" (1975-1979) quoted "I never meant to be a sex object [Dominatrix] for anyone but my husband. I never thought a picture of my body would be tacked up in the men's bathrooms. I hate men looking at me and thinking what they think. And I know what they think. They write and tell me."
The 19th Amendment to the US Constitution, passed on August 18, 1920, gave women the right to vote.
A picture is worth a 1000 words!
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder!
'Tis better to give than to receive! When it comes to giving gifts and presents, the more the merrier!
Happy Wife - Happy Life
Wearing a corset is like being hugged all the time?
50 CATCH PHRASES FROM AARP - You have to be at least 50 years old!
1. ASLEEP AT THE SWITCH: Railroads woke up to automation
2. BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD: Now, it's back to the computer
3. BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY: Outdated futuristic Star Trek technology
4. BETTER DEAD THAN ALIVE: Then the Berlin Wall fell
5. BIG CHEESE: Oversize grocery promotions were very impressive
6. CAME IN OVER THE TRANSOM: Only if you left the little window over the door open
7. CARBON COPY: You're a Xerox of your father?
8. CATCH YOU ON THE FLIP SIDE: Do they still make 45s?
9. CLOSE, BUT NO CIGAR: Those fairground booth prizes were always hard to win
10. CUT TO THE CHASE: Silent film directors often ended movies with real action
11. DIAL HER UP: No, push buttons
12. DRINK THE KOOL-AID: Extreme compliance's, like the Jonestown mass suicide
13. E-TICKET: Before the electronic ticket, Disneyland's ride coupons meant a top-of-the-line experience
14. DROP A DIME: First find a pay phone, then drop 50 cents
15. FILM AT 11: Today's TV news coverage is digital
16. FULL STEAM AHEAD: Fast forward to diesel
17. GET PINK-SLIPPED: A colored notice in your paycheck envelope told you the job was history
18. GROUND ZERO: Hiroshima was ground zero of ground zeros
19. THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD: It didn't always come sliced
20. HIT PARADE: Predated the Top 40
21. HUNG OUT TO DRY: We still get left dangling but not on a clothesline
22. IN A STRAITJACKET: An old-fashioned bind
23. IN LIKE FLYNN: Things came easy for actor Errol Flynn
24. IN TECHNOLOGY: If only life looked like that early film process
25. LEFT HIS CALLING CARD: Before people visited online
26. LET'S GET CRANKING: Or turn on the ignition key
27. LIKE A RUBE GOLDBERG: Make the simple complicated and fun
28. LOOKS LIKE THE MILKMAN: Today, it might be the UPS guy
29. MY DANCE CARD IS FULL: Fox trot pairings were scheduled
30. PUT THROUGH THE WRINGER: The spin cycle is no picnic either
31. OFF THE HOOK: Crazy, like a ringing phone app?
32. PLEASED AS PUNCH: And yet those puppets seemed so angry
33. PUSH THE ENVELOPE: Test pilots were never satisfied
34. PUSH THE PANIC BUTTON: WWII bomber pilots had them, for good reason
35.OVER THE TOP: Outrageous, like leaving the security of a WWII trench
36. SOUP OPERA: Catchier than "low-carb-lunch opera"
37. TAKE A RAIN CHECK: Remember the actual stub for a ball game rainout
38. TELEGRAPH YOUR PUNCHES: So many ways to communicate
39. SOUNDS LIKE A BROKEN RECORD: Sounds like a, sounds like a, sounds like a...
40. TAKE TO THE WOODSHED: Traditional site for whippings
41. THAT AND A QUARTER WILL GET YOU A CUP OF COFFEE: Tell that to Starbucks
42. THAT'S THE $64 QUESTION: The radio show became the $64,000 TV show
43. THAT'S ALL FOLKS: Where've you been, Porky?
44. THEN THE PENNY DROPPED: How the action started in one-cent slot machines
45. WATCH THE TUBE: Flat screens and tubeless
46. TIED TO YOUR MOTHER'S APRON STRINGS: Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah
47. WEAR THE PANTS IN THE FAMILY: Um, the whole family wears pants now
48. WHAT A BUMMER : As in an LSD trip gone bad
49. SAN FRANCISCO 49ER'S: When will they win the Super Bowl again?
50. X-RATED - Sounds worse than NC-17
AARP Top 10 New Year Resolutions You Will Love
1. Throw a party!
2. Adopt a pet
3. Choose chocolate
4. Savor your coffee
5. Raise a glass of wine or beer
6. Have sex
7. Listen to your favorite music
8. Take a nap
9. Go all natural
10. Get off your soapbox